A Mum's Story

Body image has always been a tricky one for me. It's not about being perfect or skinny or taller or anything in particular, it's about hating what I see! I know a lot of people, women especially have a gripe about one, two or many parts of their body, but to look in the mirror and literally want to get a knife and slice it up is what I feel on a daily basis. 

I have been like this all of my adult life, in fact since my teens and am now 41! All I ever wanted was to find someone who could accept me, someone who could love me and someone with whom I would spend the rest of my life with, but I never thought it possible. I had been told that because of my eating disorder, my restricting my diet and abuse of laxatives, I wouldn't be able to have babies and I had accepted that. I loved children and had been a nanny for 10 years for 2 families, I treated them and was treated by them as family until the anorexia and chronic depression became too big a part of my life and I couldn't continue! I was devastated.After 12 months of trying to get my life back together I decided that I would fulfill one more dream, to travel to Australia. I saved, I packed and I planned and eventually in March 2000 I left my family in the UK and came to Oz. Here is where my life took a massive turn. I met a man. I met a man who loved me. He "adored me" and he was willing to promise to grow old with me. Finally I had a purpose. It seemed things were on the up. We got married in 2002, in the UK and in 2003 we moved to Brisbane. It all seemed fine. I had told my husband that I had had problems in my past, but he said that whatever had happened had made me the person I was today and that was who he loved, to me that said I don't need to go any further, I would never have to tell him! Honestly what planet did I come from?

So move to 2005, I get pregnant!!!! I couldn't believe it. It wasn't supposed to happen and my husband had said he didn't want it to happen. He didn't want children, which was fine, as I couldn't have them. I didn't know how he was going to take the news, but eventually he came around. During my pregnancy, I chose to stop taking my antidepressants. I wanted my baby to have a healthy start in life and I didn't know what the medications would do to him. I also ate healthily and loved my bump, ever growing, ever moving and although the body image issues were always there, I knew I had to nourish this new life so I had to take care of myself. So 9 months on my beautiful son was born. He was perfect, I could not remember a day that I didn't feel happier! For the next 14 months I nursed my son, I was aware of the baby weight I had gained, but it didn't seem to matter. Look what I had produced, look what my body was feeding and helping to grow, everything really was fine.

Then I weaned my son and it all went crashing down to the ground again. 

The negative talk began soon after weaning my little man, I was fat, I was disgusting, I wasn't worthy of life, but now I had a dilemma! I hated living, I hated my life, but I adored my baby. I could not end my life, I had to keep going for him. When he was 22 months old, we talked about having a brother for our boy. My family were all so far away and my husbands family were close by, but not really into family at all (Which I will never ever get my head around). We agreed that we would go again and hey presto, we got pregnant immediately.

This time the pregnancy was easier. I wasn't working full-time, I had a beautiful boy to look after already, who was the light of my life. I quickly had the pregnant look, rather than the flabby look and loved it. After 9 months and an extremely quick labour I gave birth to a second boy. A gorgeous little perfect man.

So what now? My life should be fine. I have two incredibly beautiful (yes I am biased) boys, a husband who adores me, I don't have to go back to work for a while at least. We have a house, food on the table and I am blessed with a lot of wonderful friends. Yes I miss my family and friends in the UK, but I can talk to them and hopefully every few years we can go to see them. Again I breastfeed my boy for 15 months, which I love, but then I stop. About 6 months after stopping the feeding, I begin to feel different! I don't want my husband to touch me, I definitely don't want him to look at me. My patience with the boys is shorter, although I would never hurt them, I find myself being a bit more on edge when I am around them. One day, I go to my GP for my overdue pap smear and whilst I am lying down, legs up, I lose it. I fall apart. I cannot stop crying. I am so tense, the doctor can't perform the procedure. Then it all comes out, how I feel, my depression, my suicidal thoughts and sometimes plans, my stress levels with my body image and feelings towards my poor husband. 

For the next 6 months or so, I had weekly or more visits to the GP I could not eat, I just wanted to curl up in the corner of a room and never wake up again, but I could not leave my sons. Who would take care of them? I started taking antidepressants again, starting at a low dose but gradually increasing it. I began restricting my food intake and taking laxatives daily. People began to notice. They asked questions. My friends were concerned which made me feel even more guilty and so the cycle would begin again. My doctor got me into a eating disorder program at a hospital and they wanted me admitted, but somehow I manage to avoid it. My weight was down to 43 kg and I think if I had lost 1kg more I was in, but luckily I got past that kilo. But then it stopped. The doctor at the hospital was 

moving on and she could not refer me onto her successor and so I was on my own again. 

It has now been about 18 months since I first admitted it all to my doctor. I am STILL on the antidepressants ( still increasing them too), I still hate myself, I still want to die, I still take laxatives daily and restrict my food (but only you know this). I still cringe when my husband comes near me and I still love every hair on my sons heads and that is what is keeping me alive.  I have daily suicidal thoughts. I can see myself cutting my wrists, driving too fast around a corner, taking an overdose. It is a struggle to get up in the morning, to motivate myself and to smile, but that is what I have to do. 

I am a Mum first and foremost to a 6 year old and a 4 year old boy. They need me and I thank God that they do. 

~ Anonymous~

When I knew that I was NOT OK.

My first pregnancy did not go as planned and I ended up in hospital for 2 months dilated and in labor waiting the entire time to give birth.  I now consider myself as very lucky to be able to have carried a child to 36 weeks and deliver and healthy baby boy.

From the moment I was told at 25+5 weeks my baby would be born in 12 hours and would be either dead, die very soon after birth or have severe medical difficulties and/or physical and intellectual disabilities I went into ‘mode’.  A mode to protect my un born baby and me.

Although I can remember this time very clearly and it’s a time me and my husband will never forget, I know I was drawing strength from within that I really didn’t know I had.

For 3 months after the miracle birth of my baby this ‘mode’ continued.  I was on robot pilot to keep my baby alive.  Feed, wash and allow him to sleep to give him strength so that he would grow. 

At 3 months I was crashing.  My energy levels could not keep up.  I was emotionally exhausted from 6 months of being solely for the growth of my baby.  I could not think about hospital without crying.  Every visit back to the hospital I had panic attacks.  The thought of getting pregnant again terrified me and if someone had of asked me “R U OK?” I would have said NO, and possibly sought help earlier.

I, like most mums put on a front and kept going until I couldn’t.  I made an appointment with a counselor to debrief my experience.  It was great to ‘chat’ with someone who had not experienced the emotional roller coaster that my family and friends had to endure along side me.  (I am so grateful for their support) 

Acknowledging that I was not OK and seeking professional support allowed me to move forward.  I did fall pregnant again and yes the experience was similar.  I anticipated my reactions after the birth of my second child and contacted a counselor before I fell.

Its OK to say you are not OK.  Its OK to ask for help and sometimes it’s professional support that offers empathy that will assist you to move forward. 

Please contact me if you would answer NO to “R U OK?” There are many ways Support for Mums and their families maybe able to support you. You do not have to do it alone.   joanne@supportformums.com.au

Anxiety can effect anyone

Anxiety comes with so much unknown and stigma.  For those who have never experienced a panic attack or debilitating anxiety often find it difficult to comprehend and I have heard many times, ‘just get over it’ Anxiety is real and the individual experiencing anxiety only wishes, they could ‘just get over it’.

Low levels of anxiety can be healthy.  It can increase adrenaline and assist to engage in activities that fit outside of our comfort zone.  It’s when the anxiety starts to show symptoms such as breathlessness, insomnia, loss of concentration, easily irritated or becoming angry that it begins to ‘take over’. Other physical symptoms may include sweating, feeling numb, nauseous, feelings of dying or losing your mind.

These symptoms will easily inhibit your day to day lifestyle and that may cause further anxiety and feeling of hopelessness.

Anxiety can effect anyone and does.  I have had episodes throughout my life first beginning in my teenage years.  I have never been able to pin point the exact reason for my anxiety which is why anxiety can be such a mystery and often difficult to diagnose.

There does not need to be a recent significant event or upcoming event.  There does not need to be a real fear or phobia.  It may be the pressures of life, the expectation we place on ourselves, or expectation society places on us.

In recent weeks I have heard of 4 mums in my circle of friends who have and are experiencing anxiety.  Is it because I have been more aware?  Is it becoming more prevalent or is anxiety slowly becoming demystified.  I really hope it’s the later. 

A recent post on facebook about anxiety received many comments that talking about anxiety enabled recovery.  Please help me to demystify anxiety by encouraging your friends and loved ones to chat about their anxiety.  If you experience anxiety, tell people around you.  You don’t have to go through this alone.  I can only hope that you will be pleasantly surprised about the support you will get.

If your anxiety is dominant in your life please contact your GP.  You may benefit from medication (may only need to be short term) Other great strategies are exercise.  I have found Pilates to work really well. Yoga, or going for a brisk daily walk.  Practice different breathing techniques.  We should not take breathing for granted and learning to breathe properly will benefit greatly.  Professional counselling may also benefit you.  Cognitive behavioural therapy can be great for anxiety.  And most importantly share and accept support.   

If you would like further information and referrals please do not hesitate to make contact.

Jo x             

          

coco&phoenix

A guest post by Nicole from Coco&phoenix providng us insight into the very challenging world of IVF and longing to fall pregnant.  She is very grateful for her precious baby girl who has inspired her small business Coco&phoenix.

Nicole will kindly give anyone a free tee if you spend $50 or more on her site www.facebook.com/cocoANDphoenix and let us know with a comment below what beautiful items you purchased.

Enjoy Nicole's story.

I have a pretty great life.  In all honesty, I have to say that I am really happy, and that I am truly lucky and blessed.  I think any of us who are born in Australia are one step closer to having a pretty excellent existence than many others.

I am fit, healthy, smart, and financially secure.  So to then not be able to have the one thing that I wanted most in life, a child, it was hard.  And not just a little bit hard. It was bloody hard.  In most things in my life, if I want something, I am able to buy it, or I can work really hard towards making it happen.  In a business sense, I am usually able to see the results of this – there’s a positive P&L, or a new customer etc.  However, working hard to make a baby is another kettle of fish altogether.  I was never able to see the results of what I was working towards, and it just felt like my life became a state of denial and suffering.  Denial in that I cut out that which I enjoyed, namely coffee, wine and running long distances.  Suffering if that every month I still hadn’t fallen pregnant even though I had given up on the things that I enjoyed and I was forever in my head “positive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts”.

Outsiders forever tell someone in my situation to “stop thinking about it”.  Try telling that to someone going through the hormones of IVF, injecting in the belly, sniffing hormones and all the other palaver that goes along with fertility treatment, and I can guarantee you will alienate yourself from that person very quickly.

You cannot “stop thinking about it” when you can physically see the bruises on your belly from the injections; when you feel your hormones running wild, beyond your control, due to the different foreign substances running through you system.

I personally went through nine IVF transfers (three stimulated cycles), without even one positive implantation.  That’s a bitter pill to swallow, considering I was young (I was 27when I started), healthy, and had never really been denied anything that I really wanted (and worked hard at) in my life.

I reached a point where I think I really then decided to just be kind to myself.  I invoked all my yogic thoughts and just thought I’d let the universe take care of it.  That’s not to say I ever stopped thinking about it – I thought about it all the time.  But I reached that point where I realised that I needed to stop focusing on it not happening, and start focusing on it happening.  Sounds simple, but it’s a really hard shift to make when you’re pretty beaten down.

Not long after that shift (seriously not very long at all – about a month), I fell pregnant naturally with my daughter Coco.  At the time I fell pregnant, I was running long distances again, drinking coffee, and the night I think we conceived her, I was on another planet kind of trashed!  Not just a little bit trashed – the crazy, kind of trashed – not sure, but maybe this is why she loves house music so much!

Goes without saying that she is the centre of my universe.  I was at the point where I was swaying through the breeze of thinking I would never have a child, but still wanting one so badly it hurt.

When she was six weeks old I started working again in my husband’s family’s business.  Coco was immobile and so placid that this was easy enough.  We took her overseas for work when she was four months, which was a struggle for me, as I was in meetings all through the day and late into the night, then up sometimes four times during the night to feed and settle her.  At five months I was working six days a week, and she was with my mother-in-law all that time.  At seven months she started day care (just one day a week).  I missed her first tooth poking through.  I missed her taking her first steps.  Me!  The person who since I was in grade four only ever wanted to be a mother!  I honestly had to then take a good hard look at myself and wonder what the hell I was doing.  And even more crazy about all this – I didn’t even want to be doing the work I was doing.  I didn’t want to be working in my husband’s family’s business, and be sandwiched between all their family battles.  All I wanted was to be with my daughter. 

However, I knew my husband wouldn’t appreciate me not working in the grown up’s world – he was raised to work yourself to the bone, and for the kids to just slot in with that, being raised by their grandmother.  So to break that mould was another tough, tough battle.

After many discussions, most of them not very pleasant, I removed myself from the family business and started my own business, working from home.  The only way I was able to do this to keep everyone happy was to make my business be an arm of the family’s business.  I didn’t care what it was, so long as I had control of my own life again, and it gave me the flexibility to be able to be the primary carer of my daughter.  Sure, it means that if I can’t get all my work done during the day I then have to work through the night to achieve everything I intended, but it is now me who is watching my daughter grow and having those first milestones. 

Through gaining control back of my life I have also been able to create another business, solely for me.  It is a business that nourishes my creative flow, and nourishes my very soul.

coco&phoenix is my boutique shoe business for little people.  As the obvious states, Coco is my creative muse.  Phoenix is her sibling that she will hopefully one day have.  In that regard, I am being kind and gentle on myself.  If Coco has a sibling, I will feel like Queen of the world.  If she doesn’t, I am blessed just to have her.  She is healthy, considerate, funny, and grounded.  She’s all good things rolled into one.

Having a business that truly makes you happy is one of the greatest achievements one can make in their lifetime.  “Working” feels more like playing, and speaking with others around you that transcend business relationships to become your friends.

For all the years I was working in a business that didn’t bring me any joy, it still taught me everything I now know about business, to then be able to use those skills to start the business that I honestly feel was my calling; my destiny.

You are doing what is best for you, your child, and your family.

Since the 60 minute segment aired on Sunday night I can’t help but think how much it may have negatively affected many mums sitting in their lounge room already doubting their ability to parent. 

We receive so much information in the media on the best ways to parent and what’s best for our babies and children.  So much money and time is spent on research and what does this give us as mums.  Confusion, guilt?

I breastfed my baby’s until 18 months and 15 months.  They both slept in our bed and at one stage I had two single mattress together with a child each side of me.  Did I give it much thought?  No, I did what was best for me and our family at the time. ( I was a struggling, sleep deprived mother)  Isn’t this really the message that should be sent to all mothers and families? Do the best you can with what you have.  I’m not suggesting that we dismiss all advice and experience from others, but merely take the advice and pick and choose what you implement   

A line which I continue to recall from Sunday night episode was “Do you know my baby has never cried” Are you kidding me!!!  Despite crying being a babies language, I translate this line into many mums minds “I must be doing something wrong, my baby cries”  No, you are not doing anything wrong and you are doing the very best you can do with your baby, in your situation, with the tools and resources you have at the time, and yes babies cry.  This is how they communicate and achieve a response from you as a mother.

“Attachment is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another across time and space (Ainsworth, 1973;Bowlby, 1968) Attachment behavior in adults towards the child includes responding sensitively and appropriately to the child’s needs.  Such behavior appears to be universal across cultures.  Ainsworth and Bowlby do not mention that attachment theory includes breastfeeding until the child is 6 or co –sleeping.  It suggests that the caregiver provides safety and security for the infant.  Forming attachments is also not necessarily with who feeds and changes the child but who plays and communicates with him or her and responds to their needs.

Responding sensitively and appropriately for you may be bottle feeding; it may be sleeping in a different room.  You may be forced to sleep in a different room if your baby was premature or unwell and in hospital.

The point I’m trying to make is that if you are not applying the modern attachment parenting practices that were shown on 60 minutes it does not mean you do not have a strong attachment to your baby or child.

You are doing what is best for you, your child, and your family. ox

(if you have any concerns please contact joanne@supportformums.com.au)         

A night out for Support for Mums

When was the last time you as a mum went out for the night and had a great night?  Mine fortunate was only a couple of weeks ago with a group of mums from my mother’s group of 6 years.  We had a great night and I feel very privileged that I have a great relationship with these ladies and am able to let my hair down and enjoy myself.

The gorgeous Eryka from Looking Forward Counselling http://www.lookingforwardcounselling.com.au/  has organised a night out for mums at Mornington Golf Club to help raise awareness for Support for Mums and give all mums the opportunity to get out of the house and have a great night. 

Who wants to come with me?  I have four tickets to give away and if you miss out tickets are still available,  It's going to be a great night

To win a ticket let us know when the last time you went out with friends and had a great night.  I will use random.org to select the four mums.
Looking forward to seeing you there.

Jo ox
https://www.facebook.com/supportformums#!/events/314085151999438/

I have learnt to push aside self doubt.

This is week has been a huge mile stone in developing Support for Mums.  I held a pre-incorporated meeting to sign off necessary paperwork.  We also appointed a board for Support for Mums.  In attendance where seven intelligent, articulate and successful women who have all volunteered to be part of Support for Mums.

This week I learnt that sometimes ignoring your self doubt and running off your adrenaline and passion can be productive.  Self doubt can be debilitating and can often cause so many people not to take chances or risks and therefore not fulfill dreams.

I am so glad that I have put aside my self doubt and focused on my dreams which are now goals for Support for Mums.  A service that will assist so many mums and their families during circumstantial crisis.

Self doubt can also play a huge role in parenting.  We receive so many mixed messages from 'experts' about how and when we should be doing things with our children.  Does this expert advice just give us further self doubt about how we are raising our children and suggest that we are doing it wrong?

This week I have learned to put aside my self doubt and follow my heart and passion. This has not only increased my confidence it has also enabled Support for Mums to be at the stage it is at the moment with realist goals.

Does self doubt stop you from pursuing your goals?

 

Winners

I am so excited to announce the ladies who will be going to see 'What to expect when you're expecting' with a friend.
CONGRATULATIONS to

Easier Parenting
Jodi P
Aimee Watson
Salli Nuku
Bless this Mess
Nicole Calvert
Sharon Westin-Shaw
Jane Agius
Julie Ann Regan
Jo Warner

Ladies, Please email your address (don't put them on here) to joanne@ptconcierge.com.au and I will post to you a double pass to the movies thanks to Roadshow Films.  Enjoy, you all deserve it.

Jo ox

What to expect when you're expecting.

I am so excited to give everyone the opportunity to go to the movies and see
"What to expect when you're expecting."  I have seen it (first adult movie at the cinema's since kids) It was amazing.  I have even mentioned to friends that it could be the best movie I have seen.
As a mum, I could relate to so many scenario's through  my own life, friends or family.  I cried on at least 4 occasions and laughed out loud more than 5 times.  To me this is an awesome movie. 

Thanks to Roadshow films I have 10 double passes to giveaway.  To see this movie all you have to do is tell us what you expected or didn't expect when you where expecting at the bottom of this post.

I know what I was expecting wasn't reality.  I expected to have a 'normal' pregnancy, give birth (just like the books say) come home with a baby who breast fed, played and slept. (just like the books say) 

Starting with my pregnancy I did not expect to lie on my back in hospital for 2 months trying to keep baby in.  I didn't expect to change so many nappies.  I didn't expect to sit up all night with a sick baby (several times) I didn't expect to walk out of the house with baby spew on me and not care.  I didn't expect to cry just because and I didn't expect that I would ever feel so guilty for everything I did.

Please share what you expected or what you didn't expect.   

{one entry per person. Open to Australian residents only. 10 winners will be selected using http://www.ramdom.org/.  Winners will be notified by email.  Competition opens Wednesday 30th May and closes Wednesday 6th June 2012 @midnight EST}

Based on the 16 million copy best-selling book, WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU’RE EXPECTING is an ensemble romantic-comedy in the vein of LOVE ACTUALLY and VALENTINE’S DAY.

The film is a modern look at love through the eyes of four interconnected couples experiencing the thrills and surprises of having a baby, and ultimately coming to understand the universal truth that no matter what you plan for, life doesn’t always deliver what’s expected.

In cinemas May 31

What I learnt this week, don't judge a book by its cover.

I have learnt and gently reminded not to judge a book by it's cover.

As a new school mum I am meeting so many new woman. When I first started I felt like I was a new kid starting school, new faces, new communications and so many new people to meet.

We all do it, some say human nature. We look at someone and make a judgement on how and what that person does.

I have done it for many years in my professional career making assessment and producing reports based on my educated assessment. I have it down pat in a professional setting but the school yard it's very different. 

There are mums running in trakies, mums with manicured hair, mums on there way to work and mums on there way to the gym. There are mums with full make up and mums with tired eyes and pony tails.

There are mums that look like they have it all together and mums who look exhausted. But really you will never know how she is feeling. What her morning was like, what day she has ahead until you get to know her. She may look like she is coping but really, although life is getting really hard.

Don't think she is coping because her hair is done and her make up is perfect. She's a mum with stresses, worries and pressure. Don't judge a book by it's cover. 

What I learnt this week - it doesn't matter if the bathroom is not spotless.

What I learnt this week. That my family doesn't care if the bathroom is not spotless. Saturday I cleaned the whole house, I dusted, cob webbed, vacuumed and mopped but the bathrooms got missed. Everyday this week I scheduled to clean the bathrooms, they're still not clean. I've had a busy week with a new client, a public holiday (through me right out), meetings, every day errands and they just never got done. Everyone has to-do list, (some longer than others) and everyone needs to know how to prioritise your list. Whether you have one new born or 5 children, are a working mum or stay at home mum. Whether you are a single mum or have a partner there are always chores to do and finding the time to get them all complete in 24hours is a tough gig. What I learnt this week (gently reminded) that it doesn't matter if the bathroom isn't spotless or your bed doesn't get made. It doesn't matter if dinner isn't ready at 6pm every night or your cobwebs seem to get bigger and bigger. Sometimes it's more powerful to let it go. Enjoy your week and keep learning ox

What I learnt this week - that sometimes I need to Jump.

Each week I hope to share with you what I have learnt for the week. It may not always be a blog. Sometimes it maybe a one line facebook status update.

This page was set up to share with everyone my progress and allow others to follow the journey as I set up a non-for profit organisation for mums and their families, for you. This is my main reason for keeping things transparent. I welcome others opinions, ideas and experiences. They will all go towards making this service awesome and supporting as many families as possible.

This week I have learnt that although all professionals, family and friends will say 'take one step at a time' I have found that I work a lot better when I jump. When my to-do list is so long I can't possibly get through it all, (but always written down often with sub lists).
I have always known I work better under pressure and with a time frame and jumping in, swimming but not sinking, is how I work best.

I have found this to be a great way to reflect on my week. To think about what I have learnt. I hope others will share what they have learnt.

I hope to continue learning forever.

A little bit about me and why Support for Mums

I thought I would should share my experience and why I am so passionate about establishing a service to support mums and their families.

At 25 +5 weeks pregnant I was at work in the CBD of Melbourne and had noticed I was leaking fluids. Something just didn’t feel right. I caught the train to my car and then drove myself to the hospital for a checkup.

Within 30mins of being in emergency I was told my fluids had broken I was 3 cm dilated and I would be giving birth within 12 hours. I was diadnosed with an incompetant cervix. This was not how it was supposed to be. Up until now I had a “normal’ pregnancy, (as normal as the book told me).

I was told my baby had 20% chance of survival and if it did survive, had a huge risk of severe medical difficulties and or disability. I cried for unborn baby.

I was pumped full of medication to try and slow down my labor and we waited. I lay in my hospital bed for 9 weeks. I lay down to eat, bath. I lay there 24 hours a day and only left the room lying down when wheeled for my next ultra sound. I kept my baby with me until 36+6 weeks and he was born a healthy baby boy.

During this time it was very exhausting for my husband, coming into the hospital daily after work. This left him limited time for general house hold chores. When our son was born my muscles had completely vanished due to bed rest. I was unable to walk distances or hold the baby for long periods. I had to slowly build myself up to cleaning and groceries. When he was 3 months old I knew something was not right. My maternal health nurse referred me for counseling and I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress. I also had to grieve my pregnancy and the emotions that I had kept at bay for so long while I concentrated on growing my baby and once born, keeping my baby fed and helping him grow. After many sessions I felt I was strong enough to move from that place. (oh, to be a fly on the wall and watch a counselor treat another counselor!)

We got through it and although petrified, started trying for our second child. When I was 13 weeks pregnant I got a cervical stitch placed in to prevent dilation. I was on complete bed rest from 17 weeks and had two hospital admission for over a week with contractions 3 mins apart (ironically 25+5 weeks again) This time it seemed even harder as I had another little person to care for. I was not allowed to cook, clean, shop, drive or look after my family. I was lucky to be able to access child care, have an amazing girl friend come and cook us dinners and put them in the freezer, a cleaner and a very supportive but exhausted husband.

On discharge from hospital the Obstetrician was not going to let me out until I had all these supports in place. The social worker at the hospital did not have the resources and was unable to assist. I organized it from my hospital bed so I could go home and kiss my 2 year old into bed each night.

At 34+5 my stitch was removed due to severe pain and I dilated immediately and my second son was born. Again I was very weak and had two young boys to look after. I used my initiative and made an appointment for counseling to prevent going to the place I had before.

This is my story and a reason I hope to get Support for Mums service up and running as soon as I can. I feel I was lucky to have the resources available to me to get through my pregnancy and post natal period although understand that many other women are not as fortunate. I am very passionate about providing appropriate resources for mums to assist in recovery and/or their journey in motherhood.

ox

Where we are at!

I've sat down to write this post with so much to share and am finding it very difficult to put into words. But here goes-

Things have been a bit quiet at Support for Mums since just before Christmas. I seemed to put everything on hold. I spent some quality time with my little family away camping and loved every minute of it. I also spent a lot of time reflecting on what I was about to create and how daunting it has been for me at times.

I have a passion and a vision for this service and every time I mention it to someone they also seem to share my passion and believe that there is such a need for Support for Mums to be operating.

In early December I visited an accounting firm to discuss the framework and structure that I need to set up to best benefit mums and their families. We need to be able to raise money (and lots of it), we will need a board that sits monthly (approx) and have an AGM. An auditor will complete the books and there will be a secretary, treasurer and chair person.

Me, I just want to support mums and their families during difficult times and possibly alleviate some of the stress but this is what will be happening behind the scenes before I can get started.

Why did things slow down? Was it just because it was the Christmas period and I was spending time with the family, was it because I was getting my son ready for his 1st big day of school? Yes probably, but I also believe I needed to sit back for a little and reflect on what I was actually creating.

I have a plan and goals. I have to do list and appointments to make. I have lots of sticky notes and a kick ass diary system.

I'm back and can't wait to get this service up and running to assist and support so many mums and their families when they need it the most. ox

Mummy Guilt

I've had some time away with hubby and the kids. It was great and I loved spending time with them, spending quality time. I had a break and forgot about timelines and obligations and just spent time with my little family BUT I also missed my online communication, I missed the crisis of my job. Yes, I'm addicted to more than just my little family.

Today it makes me think about what is important to me and my family. How much time needs to be given to my husband and children knowing that my full love is given to make them complete. How much time needs to be given to my interest, my passion, my work, knowing that I am positively impacting lives.

I know this is a personal struggle for so many mums. I know I am not alone.

Support for mums is a passion for me and this year my time will be distributed between my family, my contract work with a case management service, my small business Precious Time Concierge and launching Support for Mums and I’m excited about all of them. ox