Grief does not just relate to death. People can also grieve; loss of a relationship, loss of a job, loss of lifestyle or even change in lifestyle such as having a baby. I experienced a huge amount of grief with my first pregnancy. Grief may also be experienced after having a child diagnosed with a disability, loss of limb, or loss of property.
Grief is a very personal thing and people express their grief in different ways although there is a 'cycle of grief' that a majority of people will experience. Some will take years to complete the cycle, others may begin to accept the loss sooner. It's when individuals become 'stuck' at a stage of grief that may require professional intervention.
The five stages,
Shock - Peoples first reaction is usually shock, total disbelief. People can feel numb, withdrawn, detached. Many people will often experience complex feelings of anger, guilt, emptiness, helplessness and hopelessness. Denial - When the shock wears off, many people go through the stage of denial. During this stage they cannot not accept the reality of the loss. People will often find themselves talking aloud to the person they have lost. People will often try to deny the loss has occurred.
Anger and Guilt - It is very common to feel anger and sometimes guilt together. Asking, why me? It is common to wish to find blame either in ourselves, in others or even in the person who has died or the person they feel has placed them in this position. This can lead to strong feelings of anger and guilt.
Depression - After recognising the true extent of the loss, some individuals may experience depressive systems. Sleep and appetite disturbance, lack of energy and concentration, crying, feelings of loneliness, emptiness, isolation and self pity. For many this phase must be experienced in order to accept the loss.
Acceptance - Eventually people will pass through the stage of depression and begin to accept their loss. The pain begins to ease. This can take up to a year or longer.
Factors that may hinder the healing process include avoidance or minimisation of one's emotions, use of alcohol or drugs to self -medicate or use of work (over functional work place) to avoid feelings.
There is no automatic or quick answer to grief although it helps to express the feelings that consume us. Finding a good listener who is not afraid to talk about your loss is so important. Many people feel they should not talk about the loss you are experiencing because they feel it will upset you more. The truth is the opposite, a person who is grieving needs to talk about their loss. Confide in a trusted individual, tell the story of your loss.
So please when you are grieving, accept support from others. Ask for help if you need it. Support may include practical support such as meals, shopping, or child care.
Acknowledge and accept all feelings, both positive and negative, Crying is OK, it offers a release. Sometimes it may help to keep a journal to document your healing process.
If at anytime you feel your healing process becomes too overwhelming, seek professional support.
Your family GP is a great contact and should be advised of your situation. They will be able to provide referrals if needed.
Support for Mums and their Families Inc are also able to provide practical support, information and referral.
It's OK to ask for and accept support.
Grief comes in all shapes and sizes and effects everyone differently.
Jo ox
joanne@supportformums.com.au
