When I knew that I was NOT OK.

My first pregnancy did not go as planned and I ended up in hospital for 2 months dilated and in labor waiting the entire time to give birth.  I now consider myself as very lucky to be able to have carried a child to 36 weeks and deliver and healthy baby boy.

From the moment I was told at 25+5 weeks my baby would be born in 12 hours and would be either dead, die very soon after birth or have severe medical difficulties and/or physical and intellectual disabilities I went into ‘mode’.  A mode to protect my un born baby and me.

Although I can remember this time very clearly and it’s a time me and my husband will never forget, I know I was drawing strength from within that I really didn’t know I had.

For 3 months after the miracle birth of my baby this ‘mode’ continued.  I was on robot pilot to keep my baby alive.  Feed, wash and allow him to sleep to give him strength so that he would grow. 

At 3 months I was crashing.  My energy levels could not keep up.  I was emotionally exhausted from 6 months of being solely for the growth of my baby.  I could not think about hospital without crying.  Every visit back to the hospital I had panic attacks.  The thought of getting pregnant again terrified me and if someone had of asked me “R U OK?” I would have said NO, and possibly sought help earlier.

I, like most mums put on a front and kept going until I couldn’t.  I made an appointment with a counselor to debrief my experience.  It was great to ‘chat’ with someone who had not experienced the emotional roller coaster that my family and friends had to endure along side me.  (I am so grateful for their support) 

Acknowledging that I was not OK and seeking professional support allowed me to move forward.  I did fall pregnant again and yes the experience was similar.  I anticipated my reactions after the birth of my second child and contacted a counselor before I fell.

Its OK to say you are not OK.  Its OK to ask for help and sometimes it’s professional support that offers empathy that will assist you to move forward. 

Please contact me if you would answer NO to “R U OK?” There are many ways Support for Mums and their families maybe able to support you. You do not have to do it alone.   joanne@supportformums.com.au