My first pregnancy did not go as planned
and I ended up in hospital for 2 months dilated and in labor waiting the entire
time to give birth. I now consider
myself as very lucky to be able to have carried a child to 36 weeks and deliver
and healthy baby boy.
From the moment I was told at 25+5 weeks my
baby would be born in 12 hours and would be either dead, die very soon after
birth or have severe medical difficulties and/or physical and intellectual
disabilities I went into ‘mode’. A mode
to protect my un born baby and me.
Although I can remember this time very
clearly and it’s a time me and my husband will never forget, I know I was
drawing strength from within that I really didn’t know I had.
For 3 months after the miracle birth of my
baby this ‘mode’ continued. I was on
robot pilot to keep my baby alive. Feed,
wash and allow him to sleep to give him strength so that he would grow.
At 3 months I was crashing. My energy levels could not keep up. I was emotionally exhausted from 6 months of
being solely for the growth of my baby.
I could not think about hospital without crying. Every visit back to the hospital I had panic
attacks. The thought of getting pregnant
again terrified me and if someone had of asked me “R U OK?” I would have said
NO, and possibly sought help earlier.
I, like most mums put on a front and kept
going until I couldn’t. I made an
appointment with a counselor to debrief my experience. It was great to ‘chat’ with someone who had not
experienced the emotional roller coaster that my family and friends had to
endure along side me. (I am so grateful
for their support)
Acknowledging that I was not OK and seeking
professional support allowed me to move forward. I did fall pregnant again and yes the experience
was similar. I anticipated my reactions
after the birth of my second child and contacted a counselor before I fell.
Its OK to say you are not OK. Its OK to ask for help and sometimes it’s
professional support that offers empathy that will assist you to move
forward.
Please contact me if you would answer NO to
“R U OK?” There are many ways Support for Mums and their families maybe able to
support you. You do not have to do it alone. joanne@supportformums.com.au
