Since the 60 minute segment aired on Sunday night I can’t help but think how much it may have negatively affected many mums sitting in their lounge room already doubting their ability to parent.
We receive so much information in the media on the best ways to parent and what’s best for our babies and children. So much money and time is spent on research and what does this give us as mums. Confusion, guilt?
I breastfed my baby’s until 18 months and 15 months. They both slept in our bed and at one stage I had two single mattress together with a child each side of me. Did I give it much thought? No, I did what was best for me and our family at the time. ( I was a struggling, sleep deprived mother) Isn’t this really the message that should be sent to all mothers and families? Do the best you can with what you have. I’m not suggesting that we dismiss all advice and experience from others, but merely take the advice and pick and choose what you implement
A line which I continue to recall from Sunday night episode was “Do you know my baby has never cried” Are you kidding me!!! Despite crying being a babies language, I translate this line into many mums minds “I must be doing something wrong, my baby cries” No, you are not doing anything wrong and you are doing the very best you can do with your baby, in your situation, with the tools and resources you have at the time, and yes babies cry. This is how they communicate and achieve a response from you as a mother.
“Attachment is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another across time and space (Ainsworth, 1973;Bowlby, 1968) Attachment behavior in adults towards the child includes responding sensitively and appropriately to the child’s needs. Such behavior appears to be universal across cultures. Ainsworth and Bowlby do not mention that attachment theory includes breastfeeding until the child is 6 or co –sleeping. It suggests that the caregiver provides safety and security for the infant. Forming attachments is also not necessarily with who feeds and changes the child but who plays and communicates with him or her and responds to their needs.
Responding sensitively and appropriately for you may be bottle feeding; it may be sleeping in a different room. You may be forced to sleep in a different room if your baby was premature or unwell and in hospital.
The point I’m trying to make is that if you are not applying the modern attachment parenting practices that were shown on 60 minutes it does not mean you do not have a strong attachment to your baby or child.
You are doing what is best for you, your child, and your family. ox
The best advice I was given when the leaving the hospital with my Son was "Remember right now all they need is allot of Love, Nurturing & attention. Don;t read into the hype that's out there, everyone is different and will do things a different way, just do what feels right and what works for you in your situation".
ReplyDeleteChristina ~ Mums Helping Mums PND
I wish all new mothers had this said to them as they walked from hospital ox
DeleteDamaging is an understatement.
ReplyDeleteSo much valid information was excluded. As a midwife we are always encountering cultural diversity and trying to educate safe parent-craft techniques with traditional values. Breast feeding is considered the preferred method of feeding for babies, however I dare not critique the woman who CHOOSES not to breast-feed because the intimacy of breast-feeding brings back trauma of the sexual assault she experienced years prior. The emotional well-being of a mother is paramount to the well-being of baby. 60 Minutes did not show all aspects of the real life of parenting. Where was the woman who is working full time in order to put food on the table for her family and would love to have breast-fed for 12 months but really needed to return to work? The whole segment made me very passionate about educating women to understand what works best for them is best as long as it's safe for baby and mum.
:) Mandy
So true Mandy. So much was missed. My concern is the damage they have caused to many fragile mothers. I only hope they have been fortunate enough to have a mid wife like you. Thank you ox
DeleteI could barely watch the commercial let alone the segment. I know it just would have got me really worked up! You have written a beautiful article here and I totally agree with you. Becoming a mother unfortuntely seems to coincide with lots of guilt and doubt. But if you can just try to listen to that little voice inside and do the best you can then that is what's most important. And I really agree with Mandy too - the well-being of a mother is paramount to the well-being of baby.
ReplyDeleteKate
Thank you Kate, It’s so unfortunate that doubt and guilt coincide with motherhood. I really believe the media contributes so much to this. So true, Mummies intuition is so strong and we should never doubt it. ox
ReplyDelete