Anxiety can effect anyone

Anxiety comes with so much unknown and stigma.  For those who have never experienced a panic attack or debilitating anxiety often find it difficult to comprehend and I have heard many times, ‘just get over it’ Anxiety is real and the individual experiencing anxiety only wishes, they could ‘just get over it’.

Low levels of anxiety can be healthy.  It can increase adrenaline and assist to engage in activities that fit outside of our comfort zone.  It’s when the anxiety starts to show symptoms such as breathlessness, insomnia, loss of concentration, easily irritated or becoming angry that it begins to ‘take over’. Other physical symptoms may include sweating, feeling numb, nauseous, feelings of dying or losing your mind.

These symptoms will easily inhibit your day to day lifestyle and that may cause further anxiety and feeling of hopelessness.

Anxiety can effect anyone and does.  I have had episodes throughout my life first beginning in my teenage years.  I have never been able to pin point the exact reason for my anxiety which is why anxiety can be such a mystery and often difficult to diagnose.

There does not need to be a recent significant event or upcoming event.  There does not need to be a real fear or phobia.  It may be the pressures of life, the expectation we place on ourselves, or expectation society places on us.

In recent weeks I have heard of 4 mums in my circle of friends who have and are experiencing anxiety.  Is it because I have been more aware?  Is it becoming more prevalent or is anxiety slowly becoming demystified.  I really hope it’s the later. 

A recent post on facebook about anxiety received many comments that talking about anxiety enabled recovery.  Please help me to demystify anxiety by encouraging your friends and loved ones to chat about their anxiety.  If you experience anxiety, tell people around you.  You don’t have to go through this alone.  I can only hope that you will be pleasantly surprised about the support you will get.

If your anxiety is dominant in your life please contact your GP.  You may benefit from medication (may only need to be short term) Other great strategies are exercise.  I have found Pilates to work really well. Yoga, or going for a brisk daily walk.  Practice different breathing techniques.  We should not take breathing for granted and learning to breathe properly will benefit greatly.  Professional counselling may also benefit you.  Cognitive behavioural therapy can be great for anxiety.  And most importantly share and accept support.   

If you would like further information and referrals please do not hesitate to make contact.

Jo x             

          

coco&phoenix

A guest post by Nicole from Coco&phoenix providng us insight into the very challenging world of IVF and longing to fall pregnant.  She is very grateful for her precious baby girl who has inspired her small business Coco&phoenix.

Nicole will kindly give anyone a free tee if you spend $50 or more on her site www.facebook.com/cocoANDphoenix and let us know with a comment below what beautiful items you purchased.

Enjoy Nicole's story.

I have a pretty great life.  In all honesty, I have to say that I am really happy, and that I am truly lucky and blessed.  I think any of us who are born in Australia are one step closer to having a pretty excellent existence than many others.

I am fit, healthy, smart, and financially secure.  So to then not be able to have the one thing that I wanted most in life, a child, it was hard.  And not just a little bit hard. It was bloody hard.  In most things in my life, if I want something, I am able to buy it, or I can work really hard towards making it happen.  In a business sense, I am usually able to see the results of this – there’s a positive P&L, or a new customer etc.  However, working hard to make a baby is another kettle of fish altogether.  I was never able to see the results of what I was working towards, and it just felt like my life became a state of denial and suffering.  Denial in that I cut out that which I enjoyed, namely coffee, wine and running long distances.  Suffering if that every month I still hadn’t fallen pregnant even though I had given up on the things that I enjoyed and I was forever in my head “positive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts”.

Outsiders forever tell someone in my situation to “stop thinking about it”.  Try telling that to someone going through the hormones of IVF, injecting in the belly, sniffing hormones and all the other palaver that goes along with fertility treatment, and I can guarantee you will alienate yourself from that person very quickly.

You cannot “stop thinking about it” when you can physically see the bruises on your belly from the injections; when you feel your hormones running wild, beyond your control, due to the different foreign substances running through you system.

I personally went through nine IVF transfers (three stimulated cycles), without even one positive implantation.  That’s a bitter pill to swallow, considering I was young (I was 27when I started), healthy, and had never really been denied anything that I really wanted (and worked hard at) in my life.

I reached a point where I think I really then decided to just be kind to myself.  I invoked all my yogic thoughts and just thought I’d let the universe take care of it.  That’s not to say I ever stopped thinking about it – I thought about it all the time.  But I reached that point where I realised that I needed to stop focusing on it not happening, and start focusing on it happening.  Sounds simple, but it’s a really hard shift to make when you’re pretty beaten down.

Not long after that shift (seriously not very long at all – about a month), I fell pregnant naturally with my daughter Coco.  At the time I fell pregnant, I was running long distances again, drinking coffee, and the night I think we conceived her, I was on another planet kind of trashed!  Not just a little bit trashed – the crazy, kind of trashed – not sure, but maybe this is why she loves house music so much!

Goes without saying that she is the centre of my universe.  I was at the point where I was swaying through the breeze of thinking I would never have a child, but still wanting one so badly it hurt.

When she was six weeks old I started working again in my husband’s family’s business.  Coco was immobile and so placid that this was easy enough.  We took her overseas for work when she was four months, which was a struggle for me, as I was in meetings all through the day and late into the night, then up sometimes four times during the night to feed and settle her.  At five months I was working six days a week, and she was with my mother-in-law all that time.  At seven months she started day care (just one day a week).  I missed her first tooth poking through.  I missed her taking her first steps.  Me!  The person who since I was in grade four only ever wanted to be a mother!  I honestly had to then take a good hard look at myself and wonder what the hell I was doing.  And even more crazy about all this – I didn’t even want to be doing the work I was doing.  I didn’t want to be working in my husband’s family’s business, and be sandwiched between all their family battles.  All I wanted was to be with my daughter. 

However, I knew my husband wouldn’t appreciate me not working in the grown up’s world – he was raised to work yourself to the bone, and for the kids to just slot in with that, being raised by their grandmother.  So to break that mould was another tough, tough battle.

After many discussions, most of them not very pleasant, I removed myself from the family business and started my own business, working from home.  The only way I was able to do this to keep everyone happy was to make my business be an arm of the family’s business.  I didn’t care what it was, so long as I had control of my own life again, and it gave me the flexibility to be able to be the primary carer of my daughter.  Sure, it means that if I can’t get all my work done during the day I then have to work through the night to achieve everything I intended, but it is now me who is watching my daughter grow and having those first milestones. 

Through gaining control back of my life I have also been able to create another business, solely for me.  It is a business that nourishes my creative flow, and nourishes my very soul.

coco&phoenix is my boutique shoe business for little people.  As the obvious states, Coco is my creative muse.  Phoenix is her sibling that she will hopefully one day have.  In that regard, I am being kind and gentle on myself.  If Coco has a sibling, I will feel like Queen of the world.  If she doesn’t, I am blessed just to have her.  She is healthy, considerate, funny, and grounded.  She’s all good things rolled into one.

Having a business that truly makes you happy is one of the greatest achievements one can make in their lifetime.  “Working” feels more like playing, and speaking with others around you that transcend business relationships to become your friends.

For all the years I was working in a business that didn’t bring me any joy, it still taught me everything I now know about business, to then be able to use those skills to start the business that I honestly feel was my calling; my destiny.

You are doing what is best for you, your child, and your family.

Since the 60 minute segment aired on Sunday night I can’t help but think how much it may have negatively affected many mums sitting in their lounge room already doubting their ability to parent. 

We receive so much information in the media on the best ways to parent and what’s best for our babies and children.  So much money and time is spent on research and what does this give us as mums.  Confusion, guilt?

I breastfed my baby’s until 18 months and 15 months.  They both slept in our bed and at one stage I had two single mattress together with a child each side of me.  Did I give it much thought?  No, I did what was best for me and our family at the time. ( I was a struggling, sleep deprived mother)  Isn’t this really the message that should be sent to all mothers and families? Do the best you can with what you have.  I’m not suggesting that we dismiss all advice and experience from others, but merely take the advice and pick and choose what you implement   

A line which I continue to recall from Sunday night episode was “Do you know my baby has never cried” Are you kidding me!!!  Despite crying being a babies language, I translate this line into many mums minds “I must be doing something wrong, my baby cries”  No, you are not doing anything wrong and you are doing the very best you can do with your baby, in your situation, with the tools and resources you have at the time, and yes babies cry.  This is how they communicate and achieve a response from you as a mother.

“Attachment is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another across time and space (Ainsworth, 1973;Bowlby, 1968) Attachment behavior in adults towards the child includes responding sensitively and appropriately to the child’s needs.  Such behavior appears to be universal across cultures.  Ainsworth and Bowlby do not mention that attachment theory includes breastfeeding until the child is 6 or co –sleeping.  It suggests that the caregiver provides safety and security for the infant.  Forming attachments is also not necessarily with who feeds and changes the child but who plays and communicates with him or her and responds to their needs.

Responding sensitively and appropriately for you may be bottle feeding; it may be sleeping in a different room.  You may be forced to sleep in a different room if your baby was premature or unwell and in hospital.

The point I’m trying to make is that if you are not applying the modern attachment parenting practices that were shown on 60 minutes it does not mean you do not have a strong attachment to your baby or child.

You are doing what is best for you, your child, and your family. ox

(if you have any concerns please contact joanne@supportformums.com.au)         

A night out for Support for Mums

When was the last time you as a mum went out for the night and had a great night?  Mine fortunate was only a couple of weeks ago with a group of mums from my mother’s group of 6 years.  We had a great night and I feel very privileged that I have a great relationship with these ladies and am able to let my hair down and enjoy myself.

The gorgeous Eryka from Looking Forward Counselling http://www.lookingforwardcounselling.com.au/  has organised a night out for mums at Mornington Golf Club to help raise awareness for Support for Mums and give all mums the opportunity to get out of the house and have a great night. 

Who wants to come with me?  I have four tickets to give away and if you miss out tickets are still available,  It's going to be a great night

To win a ticket let us know when the last time you went out with friends and had a great night.  I will use random.org to select the four mums.
Looking forward to seeing you there.

Jo ox
https://www.facebook.com/supportformums#!/events/314085151999438/

I have learnt to push aside self doubt.

This is week has been a huge mile stone in developing Support for Mums.  I held a pre-incorporated meeting to sign off necessary paperwork.  We also appointed a board for Support for Mums.  In attendance where seven intelligent, articulate and successful women who have all volunteered to be part of Support for Mums.

This week I learnt that sometimes ignoring your self doubt and running off your adrenaline and passion can be productive.  Self doubt can be debilitating and can often cause so many people not to take chances or risks and therefore not fulfill dreams.

I am so glad that I have put aside my self doubt and focused on my dreams which are now goals for Support for Mums.  A service that will assist so many mums and their families during circumstantial crisis.

Self doubt can also play a huge role in parenting.  We receive so many mixed messages from 'experts' about how and when we should be doing things with our children.  Does this expert advice just give us further self doubt about how we are raising our children and suggest that we are doing it wrong?

This week I have learned to put aside my self doubt and follow my heart and passion. This has not only increased my confidence it has also enabled Support for Mums to be at the stage it is at the moment with realist goals.

Does self doubt stop you from pursuing your goals?

 

Winners

I am so excited to announce the ladies who will be going to see 'What to expect when you're expecting' with a friend.
CONGRATULATIONS to

Easier Parenting
Jodi P
Aimee Watson
Salli Nuku
Bless this Mess
Nicole Calvert
Sharon Westin-Shaw
Jane Agius
Julie Ann Regan
Jo Warner

Ladies, Please email your address (don't put them on here) to joanne@ptconcierge.com.au and I will post to you a double pass to the movies thanks to Roadshow Films.  Enjoy, you all deserve it.

Jo ox

What to expect when you're expecting.

I am so excited to give everyone the opportunity to go to the movies and see
"What to expect when you're expecting."  I have seen it (first adult movie at the cinema's since kids) It was amazing.  I have even mentioned to friends that it could be the best movie I have seen.
As a mum, I could relate to so many scenario's through  my own life, friends or family.  I cried on at least 4 occasions and laughed out loud more than 5 times.  To me this is an awesome movie. 

Thanks to Roadshow films I have 10 double passes to giveaway.  To see this movie all you have to do is tell us what you expected or didn't expect when you where expecting at the bottom of this post.

I know what I was expecting wasn't reality.  I expected to have a 'normal' pregnancy, give birth (just like the books say) come home with a baby who breast fed, played and slept. (just like the books say) 

Starting with my pregnancy I did not expect to lie on my back in hospital for 2 months trying to keep baby in.  I didn't expect to change so many nappies.  I didn't expect to sit up all night with a sick baby (several times) I didn't expect to walk out of the house with baby spew on me and not care.  I didn't expect to cry just because and I didn't expect that I would ever feel so guilty for everything I did.

Please share what you expected or what you didn't expect.   

{one entry per person. Open to Australian residents only. 10 winners will be selected using http://www.ramdom.org/.  Winners will be notified by email.  Competition opens Wednesday 30th May and closes Wednesday 6th June 2012 @midnight EST}

Based on the 16 million copy best-selling book, WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU’RE EXPECTING is an ensemble romantic-comedy in the vein of LOVE ACTUALLY and VALENTINE’S DAY.

The film is a modern look at love through the eyes of four interconnected couples experiencing the thrills and surprises of having a baby, and ultimately coming to understand the universal truth that no matter what you plan for, life doesn’t always deliver what’s expected.

In cinemas May 31